Coming closer
by The needy stranger
Summary: *Complete* Set just after Kaji's last phone call. Instead of running away, Shinji comforts Misato after finding her in the kitchen.
1. Default Chapter

O.K. let me start off by saying that while I have done a couple of fanfics before, this is my first Eva fic. It also has the potential to be one of the deepest (depending on the feedback). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little piece.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Needless to say, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of it's characters. I wish that I did 'cause then I'd be filthy rich and I wouldn't be struggling to pay my way through university. No, I'm afraid that Evangelion belongs to GAINAX.  
  
Coming closer, a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by Richard Abraham.  
  
If I do see you again, I'll say the words I could not say 8 years ago.  
  
Misato collapsed, the kitchen table providing the support her body could not:  
  
"Fool." She sobbed, "You were always such a fool."  
  
Finally, she let her grief overtake her and she completely surrendered to the sobs now wracking her body.  
  
Inside his bedroom, Shinji stirred from his pondering as he heard something, despite the soft classical music being played directly into his ears via his S-Dat player. Removing the ear buds in order to more clearly investigate the strange sounds, Shinji was surprised to hear muffled sobs through his room door.  
  
Deciding to investigate the sounds further, Shinji ended up by the partition leading into the kitchen. Peeking in, Shinji was shocked to see the form of his guardian, obviously the source of the crying, with her head buried in her arms and her entire body shaking.  
  
For a moment, Shinji debated with himself over what he should do. After a moment of indecision, he started to head back into his room.  
  
Something stopped him in his tracks though. For a full minute, he stood there silently, listening to Misato's sobs. Was he doing the right thing? Probably not. Then again, what could he possibly do? He was just a child. However, that didn't necessarily mean that running away was the right thing, no matter how much he wanted to.  
  
Misato had never run away from him when he was in need. In fact, he remembered in great detail the day when his guardian had tried to stop him from leaving NERV, after the fourth angel's attack. That had been the day when he realised just where his home now was.  
  
It didn't change the fact that there was likely nothing he could do to help anyway. He started to move again, still heading for his bedroom. This time, however, his steps were hesitant, his conscience weighed down with guilt.   
  
Again Shinji stopped, listening to the sounds of grief coming from the kitchen. He cared deeply for Misato, though he had trouble expressing it, and he knew that she cared for him too. One of his most treasured memories of his time here was the feeling of Misato's warmth, as she cried in relief and joy after he had been recovered from the 12th angel.  
  
Without fully being conscious of the movement, Shinji found himself looking into the kitchen again. Could he really justify running away again? No, not really. He had to do something surely?  
  
He took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and stepped into the kitchen. Misato didn't even notice the new arrival, her grief a blanket, dampening her senses. Shinji stood there hesitating. Now that he was here, he had no real idea what he should do. Before him was the sobbing figure of the woman who had taken him under her wing those many months ago. The woman who teased him when they were at home, but who would worry for him while he was fighting. The woman who had cried for him when she thought him lost.  
  
The memory of Misato's warmth while she held him after the twelfth provided inspiration on a possible course of action. It also made him extremely nervous, as he had never initiated such intimate contact with anybody before. However, more and more, her sobs were affecting him, and his resolve firmed.  
  
He manoeuvred behind her and dropped to his knees silently. His hands trembled slightly as he reached for her. The feather light touch of his hands on her shoulders prompted a tensing of the muscles that lay beneath them. After a moment, the tension vanished. It took another full minute for Shinji to gather his resolve and slowly, hesitantly wrap his still-trembling arms around her. It was an embrace meant to reassure, wordlessly saying that he was there for her, even if he didn't know what had happened to her.  
  
During this entire exchange, Misato's crying had never eased. Eventually she brought up her hands to cover Shinji's own where they were clasped in front of her. Shinji absently noted that he was no longer trembling. He gently rested the side of his face on her back, and took note of the fact that, while still crying, she was not shaking anymore.  
  
They stayed like that for over an hour. There were no words spoken. None were needed. At that moment in time, all that was needed was contained within the embrace joining the two souls in the room.  
  
- Fin -  
  
Authors notes  
  
I can't believe I've done another redraft. This is the third time I've posted this story, each time slightly modified. Heck, I think that, in total, this is the 5th incarnation of the story.  
  
Don't worry though I've just corrected a few of the niggling small mistakes that were bugging me.  
  
I've also done the same thing for chapter two as a precursor for the release of chapter three (which is done but still going through debugging). 


	2. New feelings

DISCLAIMER - I'm not sure why I even need to do this. It's pretty obvious that I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of the characters portrayed within my little fanfiction here. If I did, you'd all be watching this on the television instead of reading it on your PCs.   
  
Coming Closer. A Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by Richard Abraham  
  
Chapter 2 - New feelings  
  
Consciousness was, at least for this morning, a hard fought for prize, with Shinji only gradually rousing from his slumber. As he started his ascent from unconsciousness, his physical senses started coming online one by one.  
  
His taste buds were screaming that he had a terrible case of morning breath.  
  
His sense of smell agreed with this and added that he reeked of dried perspiration.  
  
His sense of touch informed him of several aches and pains that seemed to have been brought about by his uncomfortable sleeping position. Also, his arm was numb from having a weight of some sort lying over it, and there was a tingling sensation caused by someone's breath washing over his face.  
  
The morning start-up routine was abruptly cancelled as the brain finally processed the last lot of information. Suspicions forming in his mind, Shinji slowly opened his eyes. Recognition dawned and he had to choke down a scream as he tried to scramble out of the futon.  
  
The escape attempt was doomed to failure given that his right arm was firmly pinned underneath the sleeping mass of his bed-partner.  
  
Not five inches in front of his face was the vision of a sleeping Misato Katsuragi. For a frantic moment, Shinji desperately tried to kick-start his brain into remembering the events of the previous night. Thankfully, it only took a moment for the memories to surface.  
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Shinji was guiding a physically and emotionally exhausted Misato towards her room. It was becoming increasingly difficult for the youth to support her, as she seemed to be drifting further and further into unconsciousness as they walked.  
  
By the time Shinji had manoeuvred her into her room, she was virtually asleep on her feet. This, of course, meant that she was a dead weight in his arms, making movement awkward for Shinji. He tried to gently lay his guardian on her futon, however, it proved to be too awkward and he ended up slipping, falling on the futon himself and bringing Misato down with him.  
  
Shinji, having deemed his task complete (despite the less than graceful ending), and being exhausted himself from the effort of carrying Misato, decided to retreat back to his own bedroom. Unfortunately, with his right arm currently trapped beneath her body, and his guardian refusing to shift her position, it would have proven impossible to escape without disturbing Misato. Resignedly, Shinji succumbed to the realm of unconsciousness.  
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Shinji pondered over these memories, and the memories of the incident leading to them. There was a sick knot of tension in Shinji's gut as a suspicion solidified in his mind that would explain what had happened to upset Misato so badly. He wondered if he should get Misato to talk about it. He rejected the notion, for the moment. After all, they say ignorance is bliss, and if she didn't say it, maybe Shinji was wrong.  
  
All of these thoughts were pushed aside however, when his attention was drawn to the firm and gradually increasing pressure in his bladder.  
  
Okay! Time to go!  
  
Shinji managed to carefully wriggle his arm free from the prison of Misato's weight without disturbing her. Upon standing up, he dashed to the bathroom somewhat more hastily than could be deemed dignified had anyone seen him. Not that this would have been of any concern for the boy.  
  
After relieving himself, then bathing, Shinji noticed that the morning was getting on a bit. His stomach noticed too and decided it was time to remind Shinji of its currently empty status.  
  
Shinji didn't mind cooking. In fact, he quite enjoyed it. So it was with a content smile that Shinji set about preparing a simple breakfast for himself and his guardian.  
  
Guardian. After last night, that term seemed to be a little lacking. Last night had been a turning point in the relationship between the two. Shinji was pretty nervous about it. After all, he had never been as close to any one as he was with Misato. Not since his mother's death.   
  
He was just starting to get wrapped up in thoughts over the exact nature of his relationship with Misato, when the aforementioned woman shambled into the kitchen. Shinji immediately noticed her arrival and turned round to greet her:  
  
"Hello Misato." A short hesitation, "Are... are you feeling any better?"  
  
Misato paused in her tracks and looked into her young charge's eyes. She saw concern for her there, and sympathy, and something else that her sleep addled brain couldn't recognise:  
  
"Yeah. A little." She smiled. A tiny, fragile, yet sincere smile that Shinji had never seen before, "Thank you Shinji."  
  
Shinji returned her smile with more joy and less restraint, which meant that it spread over his entire face. He put their breakfasts on the table and the two of them ate in companionable silence.  
  
Misato had had to leave for her work shift soon after breakfast had been finished. Shinji had suggested that she should take the day off but, while she had hesitated for a few seconds, Misato eventually said that she had something important to do. Thus Shinji had spent the afternoon either catching up on the vast volumes of homework he had accrued, or watching nature documentaries on the TV with Pen Pen.  
  
Around 5 p.m., Shinji heard the main door open and shut, shortly followed by the sound of footsteps approaching the living room. Thinking that it was Misato returning slightly early from her shift, Shinji called out a greeting as he turned to face the door:  
  
"Welcome home Misato!"  
  
"Wrong dumkopf!"  
  
Uh oh. Asuka sounded as if she was still angry with him. Apparently, Asuka hadn't taken her defeat by the fourteenth angel very well. As usual, it was Shinji that she vented her frustrations on.  
  
When he had first arrived back at the apartment after his month long absence, she had barely waited until the front door had closed before cornering him.   
  
As usual, it had started off with a couple of caustic comments. Before Shinji could even get a word in, it quickly became an all out 'Shinji bashing', only one step away from physical violence. Unfortunately for Shinji, Misato had only stuck around to drop him off before heading back to NERV. With no one to intervene, the argument between the two lasted almost fifteen minutes before Asuka's voice grew hoarse and she stormed off to her room. Since then, she had spent quite a bit of time at Hikari's house.  
  
Judging by the current look on his roommate's face, tonight was going to go much the same way:  
  
"Uh. Hi Asuka. Sorry about that."  
  
Asuka snorted disgustedly at the display of weakness from the boy:  
  
"Still snivelling, eh Third Child?"  
  
"What? No!"  
  
"Please." Asuka's voice was full of scorn and she wrinkled up her nose in an exaggerated display of disgust, "I can't believe that the invincible Shinji Ikari is such a spineless wimp."  
  
"Stop it Asuka. Why are you doing this?" Shinji was confused and growing more upset at Asuka's behaviour by the second.  
  
"Tell me Shinji. If you hate piloting so much, why did you come back to save the day, hmm?"  
  
Asuka's voice was dangerously saccharine, the tone dripping with poisoned honey. Shinji recognised this on some level, but was too flustered to even attempt to dodge the loaded question:  
  
"I... I saw you and Rei. I thought you were hurt and... I, uh... I couldn't just watch it destroy everything. And then... when I was in the Eva. I remembered what it did to you, and I knew I had to kill it. I had to ..."  
  
Asuka's face darkened with rage:  
  
"So the hero rushes in to save his helpless little women?"  
  
"What? N..."  
  
Suddenly, Shinji was off the couch and flat on his back on the floor. Asuka's face hovered just above his own, the expression promising death should he open his mouth:  
  
"Let me make this clear to you Third Child. I don't need or want help from a spineless little twerp who can't even control his own Eva. And I don't want your goddamn pity!"   
  
Asuka glared right into Shinji's eyes, her breath ragged from her outburst and throat hurting from the volume she had demanded from her voice box. She again snorted in disgust, stood up and stomped out of the room.  
  
Shinji just lay there on the floor. Asuka had touched a nerve. She had virtually called him useless. Tears burned at the corners of Shinji's eyes. Whispering softly, a broken boy confesses:  
  
"I just wanted to protect you."  
  
-Fin-  
  
Authors notes  
  
I'm not sure if it's just the exhaustion catching up with me, but I couldn't find as many errors to correct on this chapter.  
  
Although I've almost finished the next (and last) chapter, I'm not very confidant of its quality.   
  
Thanks for your time.  
  
Richard. 


	3. Full Circle

DISCLAIMER - I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters as you well know. However, if you want to pretend that I do, I certainly wouldn't mind (though GAINAX might), it's past time for a good ol' fashioned ego boost.  
  
Coming Closer, a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by Richard Abraham.  
  
Chapter 3 - Full Circle.  
  
Shinji Ikari was not a boy of many possessions. Thus, it would come as no surprise to note the rather Spartan quality to his room. Even after several months of living here, there were no posters, no paraphernalia. There was little here apart from his clothes, his S-DAT player and tapes, and himself. Of course, the lack of decoration meant that there was little comfort to be found within the cold barren walls of his room.  
  
The boy on the bed stared up at the ceiling of the room. He had been lying as such for almost two hours, though time holds little relevance for someone trapped in his own thoughts.  
  
Useless.  
  
It was an accusation, warped from the original speech given by the original speaker a mere two hours ago.  
  
Worthless.  
  
An evaluation of his own life, conducted, of course, by himself. He couldn't do anything right. He couldn't even pilot his own Eva. How many times had Unit 01 gone berserk?  
  
Spurred by the question, his thoughts drifted to the fourteenth angel.   
  
Just before he lost control, he had heard the heartbeat, the precursor for the violence that had followed. The heartbeat had carried sensations with it that still confused him. There was certainly the primitive rage of the beast within the technology, but there was something else as well. Something warm and familiar, and that in itself disturbed him.  
  
His recollections became vague and hazy after his Eva had absorbed him, but he knew that, near the end of his occupancy, there were a lot of positive feelings associated with the broken images.  
  
Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...  
  
"Huh?"  
  
The startled boy almost leapt out of his bed at the unexpected intrusion of the bedside clock's alarm. He quickly switched the alarm off and sat poised on the edge of his bed, hand clutching his chest and trying to calm his panicked heart.   
  
7:00pm.  
  
  
  
Once his heart rate returned to normal levels, he recalled the reason for the odd timing of the alarm.  
  
Misato was due back within the hour and he had thought that he might as well delay preparing dinner so that it would be ready when she returned.  
  
Misato had phoned the house from NERV headquarters mere minutes after the incident with Asuka. The original purpose of the call was to inform Shinji that she would be late back from her shift. Of course, this intention quickly died when she had heard the poorly concealed distress in the boy's voice as he answered the phone.  
  
After five solid minutes of assurances concerning his physical and mental welfare, Shinji had finally managed to fend off her concern and had managed to end the call. He didn't believe for a minute that Misato had bought a word of it.  
  
7:02pm.  
  
Still plenty of time to prepare dinner.  
  
Stepping out of his room, Shinji was somewhat surprised to hear the outside door unlocking and opening with a motorised hiss. Since he knew Asuka was still in her room, that left only one candidate. His assumption was quickly proven correct as his guardian stepped into view in the hallway.  
  
Misato stopped in her tracks and quickly appraised Shinji's appearance. He could almost feel her gaze raking over him, gleaning information on his current state and wondering whether she should approach him or leave well enough alone.  
  
"You sounded upset on the phone," she said, letting the statement explain her unexpected presence. "What happened?"  
  
Shinji broke eye contact and his head slumped forward, the action giving away the lie before he even opened his mouth.  
  
"Nothing Misato. I...I was just going to make some dinner. Is there anything you'd like me to make?"  
  
While he couldn't see her eyes narrow, he could feel her disapproving glare burn into him. It was obvious she wasn't going to buy into his admittedly pathetic attempt at evasion. Before she could pick apart the lie, Shinji started towards the kitchen.  
  
He didn't even make a second step before he felt someone impeding his progress with a firm hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Nothing, huh? Well, let's talk about this nothing in your room okay?"  
  
There was no escaping this and Shinji knew it. With little more than a tired sigh, he let himself be led back into the room he had just left, Misato's hand on his shoulder.  
  
Once inside, the hand on his shoulder was lifted and the soul weary boy automatically trudged over to sit on his bed. After a few moments of intense carpet studying, he lifted his eyes to determine a reason for his guardian's silence.  
  
She stood there in the middle of the room, her posture projecting unease and uncertainty. It looked as if she was debating what would be the correct course of action to undertake.   
  
Shinji didn't think that running away was one of the plans being considered.  
  
After a while, Misato came to a decision. Her personal problems could wait a little longer. After all, wasn't that why she was at work today? In order to run away from her problems? Shinji needed her, and it was the least he deserved after last night.  
  
Dismissing the depressing thoughts before they could take shape, she drew up to her full height. Gathering her courage, she started moving towards the bed.  
  
Shinji missed this movement as his gaze had again drifted to the floor sometime during Misato's inner debate.  
  
Thus, it was with a certain amount of surprise that he registered the presence of Misato as she sat next to him on the bed. She reached out and touched his chin, gently turning his head so she could look him in the eyes.  
  
"Shinji, please talk to me." The voice was unsure of itself yet still had a soothing quality to it.  
  
For a moment, Shinji contemplated remaining silent. At the very least it would buy him some time. The notion was rejected however, when he realised this probably wouldn't deter her. Not tonight anyway. Besides, he was too tired and too hurt to bother with an attempt to run away from Misato.  
  
"Why? Why do you do this?"  
  
"Do what Shinji?" Misato asked, surprised by the question.  
  
Shinji didn't elaborate further. Misato sighed, but pressed on.  
  
"Shinji. What happened?" Misato tried to inject a little levity into her voice, "You never know, I might actually be able to help, even without a beer in me."  
  
Shinji didn't look as if his guardian's attempt at humour had done much to improve his mood. However, he knew that an offering was needed in order to calm her concerns. He opened his mouth, intending on telling a short, watered down version of the truth:  
  
"We had a fight. Me and... and Asuka. She was really mad when she got home and... she saw me. She started shouting at me. I... I told her that I came back to save her. She blew up at me. Called me useless. Useless."  
  
His voice, which had been barely above a whisper to begin with, trailed off and broke. It was clear to Misato that Asuka's words had wounded the boy in front of her.  
  
Shinji was berating himself for spilling his guts. So much for selective editing. Dismally, he wondered what Misato must think of him now. After that, she probably viewed him as the pathetic little boy that he was in his own mind. When he looked up into her eyes though, it wasn't pity nor disgust he found. Instead, he found concern and sympathy reflected in the windows to her soul.  
  
"Asuka's, a very proud person Shinji. She won't admit that anyone is her better in anything."  
  
Shinji nodded. That much he already knew, after all, it had been pretty obvious right from when he had first met the volatile redhead.  
  
"I know that. But why... why is she always taunting me and yelling at me, hurting me?" Pleading, raw and simple. A need for understanding.  
  
Misato paused to ponder the ethics of continuing further. Revealing anything more to Shinji could be seen as a betrayal of Asuka's trust. Her past and feelings were her business and should be of no concern to Shinji. However, it obviously was a concern seeing as her behaviour was hurting Shinji, a boy under her protection.  
  
"Asuka's had a tough life Shinji. Her mother died when she was very young and since then, she's devoted her life to being the best Eva pilot."  
  
Shinji remained silent though wide eyed. Asuka had lost her mother too? That might explain why she never talked about her home life. He didn't let his concentration drift though, as Misato continued speaking.  
  
"I think Asuka sees you as a threat. A threat to her status as a pilot, and because of that, a threat to her self image and worth as a person. Haven't you noticed that she's become more temperamental since you returned?"  
  
Shinji nodded. He had indeed noticed, it was, after all, why they were having this conversation.  
  
"You're the only pilot who has beaten an angel without any assistance. That, and the fact that you have overtaken her synch ratio has made her resentful. I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks that you're deliberately trying to undermine her piloting abilities."  
  
Shinji was stunned. Asuka thought that he was trying to beat her? It was quite a revelation, and there was only one response that he could formulate.  
  
"I... I'm sorry."  
  
Misato smiled, amused by Shinji's stuttered apology.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Huh?" Shinji had been taken by surprise by the question and it showed all over his face.  
  
"Are you sorry because you have a higher synch ratio than Asuka?"  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Are you sorry that you saved all of our lives by piloting again?"  
  
Silence reigned for long moments until Shinji bowed his head in defeat.  
  
"Shinji, don't apologise for the good things that you do. It belittles your actions and cheapens their worth as well as your own."  
  
By this point, Shinji's mind was swirling with feelings of defeat, depression, shame and anger. This was reflected on the outside by the continual clenching and relaxing of his right hand.  
  
"It's just so frustrating. I... I don't know what she wants from me. She taunts me and hits me, but then, she'll smile at me sometimes, for no reason, and I'll feel... feel like..."  
  
Shinji's voice broke, and he showed no sign of continuing.  
  
Misato looked on as her young charge showed increasing signs of distress and despaired at her inability to comfort him. Her own feelings of grief, never far below the surface, rose as she wondered if this was how she had looked the previous night.  
  
Memories trickled into her conscious thought and carried with them the powerful emotions that had been prevalent at the time.   
  
There had been grief, of course. She had lost the man that she loved without ever getting a chance to say those words to him.  
  
Again, the grief surged. There were no more chances, only loneliness. Glancing at Shinji though, she pondered if that need be the case.  
  
Last night, Shinji had come to her and comforted her with just his presence. She had always known that Shinji was more than just her charge, more than a subordinate. Last night had proved that. She still remembered the warmth of his body as he had awkwardly cradled her in his arms.  
  
Shinji had crossed a barrier last night. One barrier of many that each of them had erected. The purpose of these was to distance the other. After all, the closer you got to another, the more deeply they could hurt you.  
  
Misato realised that somewhere along the line, while thinking about Shinji, the clinging darkness of grief had retreated from her mind, held back by the emotions inspired by Shinji's act. Looking at the depressed, frustrated, and weary boy before her, she came to her decision.  
  
It was time for the barriers to come down.  
  
Gathering her courage, Misato reached over and pulled Shinji into a warm embrace, her arms wrapped around his body. Leaning back against the wall at the head of the bed, she moved one of her arms upward and started to stroke his hair. She found she was quite willing to stay in this position until her Shinji was no longer hurting.  
  
For his part, Shinji was rather stunned by the sensation of someone wrapping their arms around him. He tensed at the unexpected contact, but quickly relaxed as the warmth of Misato's body seeped into his own. His arms found their way around her body, and he let himself relax completely into the embrace of the most important woman in his life.  
  
Exhaustion finally caught up with the young boy, and, as he slipped into unconscioussness, he knew that his dreams would be untroubled, at least for tonight.  
  
His last thought before sleep took him, was that the sensations he was feeling were familiar though they were vague. Like a memory, faded with age, but which carried with it an eternal impact.  
  
-Fin-  
  
Authors notes   
  
First off, I would like to apologise to anybody out there who have been waiting patiently for this last chapter.  
  
If you remember the announcement I made a couple of months ago, you'll know that I had intended on posting this chapter a long time ago. (A long, LONG time ago)  
  
Things changed. Firstly, it took over two weeks for all my prereaders to get back to me. By that point, I only had a couple of days of my uni term left (and my only access to the web), and was busy packing to go home.  
  
I thought when I got home I'd be able to post through my local library's computers. Unfortunately, it appears there's a phrase in the 'Add chapter' section of the site that the library had banned.  
  
And so, it is only now that I finally have my own internet connection at home, that I am able to post this chapter.  
  
I would also like to apologise to the people who e-mailed me and didn't get a response. I lost any e-mail addresses that I didn't put on paper (which was virtually all of them, including two of my prereaders) when my university e-mail account closed.  
  
Well, despite the huge delay, I hope that you have enjoyed this last chapter of Coming Closer.  
  
I would like to thank my three prereaders for top notch assistance. And of course God, for at last seeing fit to giving me a break to post this.  
  
Richard. 


End file.
